So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
love makes seman taste better
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
