you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
