i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't turn off my feet"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
