no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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