he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
