So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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