Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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