the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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