He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize