I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The best revenge is premature balding
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We're not piercing ourselves today.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
