You can't special order awesome
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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