I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
