I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
