I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't deserve a penis
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
