So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
