I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
