We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
