Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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