i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
