her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
