I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
