You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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