Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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