Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
