I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
