I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Fuck appropriateness.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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