When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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