A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
vagina is talking i cant
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
