Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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