So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I died a long time ago.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
