Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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