Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
