Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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