Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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