Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize