he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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