Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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