watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
