It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i came on her dog
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
