i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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