Taylor Swift is so right about you.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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