Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
