A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
