why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
