I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
