My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize