Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
