You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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