I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
