when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
