I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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