I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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