Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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