Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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