but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
