if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
