I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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