so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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