I faked an abortion last night.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
