you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
