i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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