Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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