then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
