Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize