Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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