make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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