Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
