Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
